Oh my goodness, it’s been a minute. But seriously, it has been way too long since I have posted and so much has happened, but at the same time not a whole lot has happened at all, as I seem to find myself in old habits, forever taking one step forward and then sliding all the way back.
Not to worry though, because with every new day comes a new chance to start again, a new chance to change and build the life that I want for myself.
I have decided right here and right now to stop sitting around wishing that my life were somehow different, and to actually make an active decision to change the old habits and to create new and healthy ones. I am tired of trying to make my body fit some kind of mould that society has placed upon it. I am tired of skipping meals and starving myself to fit into a smaller size of clothing. I am tired of binging from being so damn hungry, and then feeling even more disgusted in myself. I’m just so tired. I do not want to live another day of my life giving in to disordered eating. Today is the day that everything is going to change.
I have a friend… The most beautiful, incredible, kind hearted soul you will ever meet. She is suffering from anorexia, and it is the most heart-breaking disease you could ever imagine. I see her lying there, close to death, only just holding on, and still she tells me that she needs to lose more weight. I need to get well for her, and for every other person out there who thinks that the number on the scale is more important than living their life. I need to get well for my future children, because I don’t want to bring them up believing that starving themselves to be a certain weight is normal. I need to get well for my job – because to be a midwife means ‘with woman’. How can I support the strength and beauty of a woman if I do not believe in my own? I need to get well for my partner… So that I can look at myself in the same way that he looks at me.
I need to get well for me.
Changes are happening. Watch this space 🙂